Thursday | Just Because I'm the Boss Over Here

The Unadulterated ABC's of Your's Truly
...because I get a ridiculous pleasure out of filling these things out. I mean, who doesn't like to talk about them self?


Ambition: “…to keep in good health and not die.” – name that book/movie. Any of the 28 movie adaptions will do.

Bad Habit: pulling too far into a parking space. It comes from having driven a 12 passenger van for so long and being paranoid about the over-sized back-end sticking out into traffic.

Celebrity Crushes: James McCavoy has been my old-faithful for some years now, although Andrew-Lee Pots (courtesy of Alice and too many Primeval marathons) is taking up current residence at the moment. But one must not forget Chris Hemsworth, either.

Drink: Route 44 sized Barq’s Root Beer (somehow it tastes so much better out of a Sonic cup!) or Cherry Coke (the liquid taste of movie theatre!)

Education: High School diploma, baby. And that’s it.

Food: well, I’m snacking on peanut button out of the jar right now, but what I’d really like to be having is a plain double-double from In-n-Out.

Guilty Pleasure: an entire container of Moose Tracks ice cream more times than I care to share with you.

Hometown: A little town in a big world.

Ice Cream:  Either Moose Tracks (refer to Guilty Pleasure above) OR my childhood favorite – the orange sherbert/vanilla stuff with Magic Shell (a more recent addition). Delish.

Jonesing For:  for the fall – when Season 7 of Doctor Who is finally released as a complete set instead of those silly Part  One and Par Two’s that BBC is getting fond of. It’s getting harder and harder not to find "spoilers" *River Song's voice* on Pinterest.

Kryptonite: Super Saver Shipping. The worst genius idea ever. “Oh I just need 37 cents to get free shipping. Okay, I’ll add this $14.99 movie.” Sad, but true. *looks lovingly at mighty dvd collection*

Look-a-like: back when I wore my hair super short, I got Meg Ryan a LOT. But I’m not as skinny as I was then...

Movie:  I can’t pick one, but some favorites are: Anne of Green Gables (for the old-fashioned girl inside me), any and all superhero movies (for my inner super-woman), BBC’s Doctor Who/Primeval (keeping the inner nerd happy), Penelope (best movie kiss), BBC’s Merlin (for when I need some magic), and Beauty & the Beast (for the young, idealistic soul within). List is not extensive.

Nickname: with a name like Kellie, you can only imagine all the nicknames. Kellie-Smelly being only one. Thanks, Uncle Claude. But I prefer more complimentary and tame ones like Kell-Bell or just plain Kel.

Obsessions:  honestly, my family is probably one of my greatest obsessions. After that, though, it would be my favorite tv shows. Ask my family about my marathons.

Perfume: unoriginally, it’s Love Spell by *whisper* Victoria Secret. But I’m thinking of switching to something less mainstream.

Quirk: not liking people to see what I'm eating. Not in a "I'm eating something I shouldn't" sort of way...but I just don't like people to see my food. I know. Quirk personified.

Regret: not seeing Beauty & the Beast in 3D at the theaters when it came out a few years back.  Or that back in my traveling days, I didn’t pay more attention to all the historical things I saw. I mean, come on, how often does a simple, small-town west-coaster get to see DC (twice), Gettysburg, Boston, Chicago, Savannah, the Grand Hotel on Macinaw Island, Philadelphia, and countless other places that ooze with historical significance? Shoot me.

Starbucks: Summer favorite: Green Tea Lemonade. Winter Favorite: White Chocolate Mocha (so unoriginal)

The Last Book You Read: a truly laughable work called The Quarryman’s Bride, which will have a forthcoming review in a few weeks. Currently reading Perfecting Kate and thoroughly loving it.

Unique Feature: an exceptionally long torso and waist. Sigh. I'm forever committed to the Asylum of Lengthening Undershirts.

Vacation: love them, whether they involve camping in the Redwoods with my family, road-tripping, or just hanging around the house without any schedule or work demands.

Wine: never had it, most likely never will. If I can’t say no to Cherry Coke, I don’t stand a chance against something that can truly be addictive. My choice.

X: ...just an X? Like…X marks the spot? As in a treasure map? Like in Peter Pan? Second Star to the Right and Straight on Til Morning? Which was also the names of the last two episodes of Once Upon a Time. Where Ginnifer Goodwin has amazing short hair. Which I actually have felt myself tempted to emulate. Which would make my brother-in-law give me the look. So maybe I’ll pretend I didn’t think that. And so...yah...here we are back at X.

Years: a whole whopping 26 of them, booyah.

Zen: sitting on our back porch swing watching the sun set or thrift store shopping. Two of life’s best therapies and relaxants.

Courtesy of Kara at Flowers of Quiet Happiness.

Wednesday ~ Here, There, This & That

Really, folks, there's not much going on around here, other than normal, every day life. Unless my car making a weird noise qualifies as something worth blogging about. Which it doesn't. Or me setting a mouse trap for the first time (and getting my fingers snapped in the process). Which also doesn't. Or the many, many times I've checked airline ticket prices in hopes of finding something low enough that would let me go visit my two siblings who are at a camp that's had huge place in my life in the past. But nope, nothing low enough and I'm sure that's not worth posting about anyway.

So, happy Wednesday. Here's what mine looks like.

 Looking forward to starting this on my lunch break today, it looks to be a humorous read, even though the cover is less than gorgeous.

Breakfast.

{ dusty keyboard alert }

As you can see, very exciting. But I like slow days, so it's actually quite nice. Hope your day is lovely, too!

Tuesday ~ Eclecticisms of What's Current Around Here

{ a picture taken at the park were we played like wild women, before Karis left for the summer }

I love French café music (think Pixar’s Ratatouille). It’s my go-to happy music, it’s so relaxing, so cheerful and I fully plan on playing it as background music at my reception should I ever actually get married. Go sample all the songs here (no, really, please do!) and I defy you not to smile.

I did my first Sunday School lesson last week and it went just swimmingly. I'm really excited about this lesson material my church is using, it's not the typical Sunday School fluff (which I'd have refused to teach!). It's hard core lessons and theology. Good stuff.

A confession: I ate an entire half-gallon of Chocolate Moose Tracks ice cream this past weekend. Yes, mom. I know.

I have a new favorite show. And in revealing the title I may lose some cool points, but I've gotten hooked on BBC's sci-fi-ish Primeval. Hooked as in...I watched the first three seasons in two days, taking a brief break somewhere in there to sleep a few hours and go to church. What can I say, it's the way I roll. And now every time I hear a strange noise in my house I half expect it to be an ancient creature that's come into my house through a rift in time and I have only seconds to live.

Speaking of ancient creatures, Happy 20th Anniversary to Jurassic Park, the ground-breaking movie that left us gaping in awe and paralyzed with terror, making the industrial kitchen one of the most terrifying places on earth.

With siblings Scott and Karis gone for the summer, those of us “left behind” have been coming up with little adventures to make our summer a little more exciting, since it’s sad without them. So, I’m taking off work on Friday to take Stuart (the one who bears most of the brunt of them being gone) to a certain candy factory. There will be pictures of sugary goodness to come.

My dad is building me my table/desk for my room! It's going to be amazing and that will be one step closer to my room actually being done. I can't wait.

And for the record...my hair is definitely up in a messy bun today. I am undefeated.

Saturday ~ How Friday's Bad Hair Day Showed Me Jesus

“Wow…you look…really...frazzled.” 

It wasn't so much the exact words he said, but the way he said it, the look on his face as he looked at my hair and the way his hands were making strange gestures around his face that brought to mind one of those black and white images of Einstein, whom we all know for his radical cosmetology skills.

Ok, so I knew my hair was, well, just a little bit edgy yesterday. I’d thrown it up in a messy bun right before going to bed the night before and seriously, why is it that your pre-bed hairstyles always look amazing and your morning attempts fall so flat? Anyways, I’d rolled out of bed the next morning, took a quick inventory, tucked in a few extra bobby pins (women's answer to ducktape!) and wore that baby to work. Yah, I know. Life on the edge.

Now, this guy’s been a great friend of mine for years, we go way back and I have a huge respect for him. But wow, he gets a glaring ZERO for tact. Because he didn’t mention my hair just that once. No, he mentioned it twice and the second time was even more insensitive and insulting. In front of another guy coworker. *collective gasp from all the women reading this*

Girls, I was embarrassed. I don’t blush easily, but I felt my face turning into a fiery inferno right there as I sat in my office chair with all of his 6 foot everything  towering over me in the doorway of my office. If someone had handed me nightlock berries I would have eaten then right there.

Anyways, he eventually left my office and like a little oversensitive girl who’s had her braid pulled by a boy in school, I started tearing up and getting a runny nose (which I’m sure did not help the overall fashion ensemble) and seriously considered taking my desk scissors to my hair and just being done with it. Or at the very least, somehow manage to reform my hair into something less reminiscent of what I imagined must look like a Helen Bonham Carter. But the ladies bathroom was all the way on the other side of the building and I’d have to walk past other people to get there, people who would probably barely be concealing their horror as the bride of Frankenstein came trolling down the hallways towards them.

But after a moment of water-eyed, nose stinging shame, I plucked up the remainder of my dignity and made it to the bathroom. Where I tore down that ill-fated messy bun (which hey, really look fine! It was cute and hip, really! Trust a guy not to see it!) and went the polar opposite by forcing it into a conservative bun at the nape of my neck. Then I shut myself in the bathroom stall and cried.

It’s true, I probably over-reacted (okay, yes, I did), but maybe I’m just a wee bit sensitive about guys’ opinions. And seriously? Having a guy so brutally point out flaws in your appearance (twice!) is enough to damper the self-worth of any girl.

But you know, God has a lesson in everything (even the mindless insensitivity of a coworker) and with His lessons, there comes His affirmation, too. As I leaned against the wall rail aching my bruised little heart out over something that was actually (sorta) laughable, God still saw the genuine hurt it had caused me and He came into the Ladies Bathroom there with me and told me He loved me, bad hair day and all. He really did. He reminded me that what others say really isn’t important, that His love is my identity and His love and affirmation of me is enough. It was like a little snuggly blanket of His presence making me feel like I was still beautiful even though this guy had told me I looked dimwitted (refer to Insult #2).

So, this tragic tale does have a happy ending after all and even though maybe I won’t ever try wearing my bed-head to work again…at least I got to feel a little bit of God’s extra-nearness today because of it. I’ll settle for that any day. 

And I may or may not have gotten a tiny bit of revenge by drawn attention to the fact that his hair is starting to thin on the top. But that wasn’t very nice of me, so I shouldn’t brag.

Friday ~ One Life-time Admittance to the Singles' Row

Continuing in the same vein from Tuesday's post...

Friends, I'm twenty-six years old. To some of you that may seem old, to some of you it may seen quite young if you're further along in this waiting process. But twenty-six to me is sounding just a bit, ahem...old today.

Keeping in mind the ability for God to truly satisfy our hearts (refer to Tuesday's post), sometimes we do need to face a possible outcome – the possibility that we may never get married. I've always thought I was marriagable-material, but after two years shy of a decade waiting for Prince Charming to come, I've been forced to take a good look at reality and acknowledge that I really may be one of those women who never gets married.

  

As I lay in bed the other morning, thinking about that guy I thought was noticing me not noticing me after all and processing the feelings of being very un-wantable, I really soul-searched and in that search, I forced myself to ask myself a question:

 If I could know right now that I would never get married, would I still follow Christ today?

Ouch.

Do I continue to faithfully follow Christ these days...just because I know that He's the One who ultimately gives me the things I want in my life? Is my motivation for persistently doing the God-thing the hope that He'll give me a husband? Do I seek after God because He's my only real chance at a godly guy? If I found out today that I would never, ever marry...would I still continue to live strong in the Lord?

I look at that question and my first response (after feeling panicky and sick to my stomach) is "that's really just not an option for me. I really have to get married." Well, I've been ready and waiting a good handful of years now and no amount if wishing has made it happen. What if it never does? What if no one ever wants me? Would I still be as ready to follow Christ?

Truth is, a lot of the time my answer is no - if I knew that I'd never have a husband or boyfriend, I'd sorta just give up on God, since it's not going to get me a husband. And that's sad, because in that, I am so wrong. Following Christ isn't about me and what I'm going to get out of it, it's about giving Jesus Christ the glory He deserves. What I get out of it really shouldn't even factor into my relationship with Christ.

So, are you like me? Still plugging away at doing Christianity right, because He's the only one who'll write our love stories? Are you trying to please God with your spirituality in hopes that it will earn you His notice and get you a husband? And are you right now, like me, having to ask yourself the question above?

  

We have to ask it and we have to know our answer, because if our answer is that no, we only do Jesus because of what He can give us, we might as well just throw in the towel altogether. That's not what God wants from us and it's the wrong way to serve Him.

  

I pray that your answer is that yes, that even if you somehow knew that you were a permanent fixture forever in the single's row at church, that even then, you'll still give everything you've got to loving God and serving Him in everything that you do. That is my prayer for myself. I know that I have a lot of adjusting to do in the way I view my faith and WHY I do my faith...but I know, that in everything...He is going to be worth it.

~          ~          ~

P.S. This concept doesn't just apply to single girls. Whether you're trying to have children, struggling financially, have a serious illness, or just waiting for your big break in life...it's the same question.

P.S. #2 - I was overwhelmed with the incredible response from all of you regarding Tuesday's post, so many of you left such heart-felt, transparent replies and each one impacted me personally. I just want you to know how thankful I am for each one of you! I have felt such encouragement and kinship with you through your responses and the confirmed knowledge that I'm NOT the only one who feels this way...wow, so motivational! Really, I mean that. So, thank you! Also please know that I REPLIED to each and every response, so if you left a comment, please check back! Your comments aren't just trophies towards a good post, they're conversations/heart-talks to me!

Thursday ~ Tea in the Park

I love being being an adult with an adult's life, but one of the things that I don't like about it...is the adult's busyness. I like adventures and I like going to do fun stuff, but I also, in my truest form, just love a simple life filled with many quiet evenings at home curled up (or more accurately, sprawled out) with a book, a cat and a gorgeous west coast sunset.

And so the busyness of being an adult, especially after moving out on my own, has taken me by surprise and left me rather dizzy and constantly in fear that I'll forget something important, like my food cooking on the stove (based on a true store). And I know I'm not the only one who's feeling this way lately.

Her name is Suzanne and she's been one of my bestest friends since we first discovered our mutual adoration for Seven Brides for Seven Brothers while laying in our sleeping bags at a slumber party. Since then, we've been besties forever. But she got married, I started working full time, she had a baby, then I moved out, which up-ed my busyness. And even though we now only live barely a minute from each other, getting together was just far, far, far too long overdue.

But last night, we fixed that. She left baby with his grandma and I left my house that was in need of some cleaning, we just left it all behind, grabbed McDonald's sweet tea and went to my sanctuary (ie. the park) and just sat. And talked. And talked. And talked.

It's easy to forget just how much we need our friends. I love how God created us with this need we have for community, that pull we feel to be surrounded by other people who understand. And sadly, often times it's quality-time (ie. leisurely time to talk and share) with our friends that suffered the repercussions of busyness.

Last night, just being able to talk with Suzanne like old times (no baby demands and me without any schedule that called me away - as great as both of those are, especially a certain little boy who'll grow up calling me Auntie!)...getting to just sit and talk about those things that need talking out in order to be processed and handled, it was a balm to my soul. Seriously. I feel so much lighter today. Crazy, but true.

Thank you, Suz, for being the one to break us out of the busy rut! I'm already looking forward to next time.

So, to all my friends and family who read this blog...do yourself a favor and go hug a friend today. :)

Tuesday ~ PJ's, Morning Breath and a Guy Who Liked Somebody Else

I thought maybe he liked me. Ah, it sounds so junior high (I'm blushing), but it's true. I'd thought maybe I'd been seeing those little tell-tale signs that give away the fact that someone wanted me. It's a lovely feeling, that feeling of being noticed, like an extra kick of caffeine in your day that gives everything a slightly happier glow about it. You feel more important, more beautiful and well...just wanted.

But I found out I was wrong. It wasn't me who he was noticing, it was someone else. And if they get together, that's going to be one dynamite couple of pure cuteness, so that's seriously okay. But once again, it also just means that I'm just one of the average, over-looked, un-noticed single crowd again. Woohoo.

It's a feeling I struggle with a lot, sometimes more so than at other times. I have one friend (plus my sister) who is still single. But everybody else has someone to love and be loved by. And frankly, it hurts to be the last one. Because it's like everybody looks at me and thinks to themselves that “Oh there's Kellie, nobody wanted her.” Ok, maybe they do and maybe they don't, but that's how I feel – like the leftovers in the barrel or the one that just wasn't quite good enough.

I know that I have worth, that in Christ I'm loved, cherished and wanted. But you know what I mean when I say that sometimes being loved by an unseen Father isn't quite the same as being loved by a very physical hunk of manhood. As a good Christian, I know I shouldn't say that, but frankly, it's often how I feel and I bet you've felt the same way.

 Because there's just something about being loved by a guy. It gives you credit in the eyes of others. Having someone to love you is like having a billboard painted on your chest that says “see! I'm wantable!” I've been in two relationships before so I know that feeling. It's a secure feeling. It makes you feel worth-ful. When you're with someone, you feel important, more confident and you always have someone right there for you who's very presence in your life wanting you gives you more power than you've ever felt.

 But then there's me and my bowl of ice cream, talking to boulders.

So, where am I going with this? To Jesus, of course. Because even though He's not a physical guy at our shoulder, somehow the fact that He's our supernatural God in our hearts can fill that gap. I'm working on feeling it right now, but I've heard it enough and read it in His Word enough to KNOW that it must be true.

Because think about it. How big is God? Let's see:

He created the Universe. Like....the whole stinkin' universe. Have you considered lately how BIG the universe is? Galaxies upon galaxies, stars upon millions of stars, the distance of a light-year, the black spaces that go on for infinity for all we know. Yah, basically...He made that. He's our big universe-creating God.

He can bring a rotting carcass back to life. That's like taking an inanimate object, as lifeless as say, my toothbrush, and making it become alive. Okay, that's big.

He made a woman's period stop. Let's all of us females just take a moment to appreciate this fact. Imagine that you've been bleeding for seven years without stop (imagine the cramping!) and it's not a three day, five day or even seven day cycle...the bleeding never stops. For seven years. And then...with just a tiny touch, He stops it. Just like that. New woman, like one of those beaming women in a birth-control commercial.

That's our big God. Breath in that fact. And then breathe in the thought that surely, a God who's supernatural and so BIG can fill up our hearts, my heart, your heart, with an equal feeling of love. You've really got to wrap your mind around it, because without the visual confirmation of His love, it's so easy to just not get how He can do that. Because it doesn't make sense, especially as our female heart long SO much for the love that comes from a guy being in our life. I want to see it with my eyes, I want to physically feel it and I want everyone else to see Mr. Handsome walking next to me holding my hand like I'm more precious that rubies.

But He's big, friends. God is big. How simple we are if we can seriously hold the Word of God in our hands, full of the testimony of His power, and still doubt that He can fill that void in our hearts. It's NOT the same kind of filler as it would be if it was a guy, but it's God Himself. Yes, different and yes, enough.

I know it's hard to make our hearts, programed to want a special love, override that code and accept the presence and confirmation of Christ as enough for us. It's hard to believe. But we need to believe it. As Christians, we are called to believe it. What's the point of surrendered our lives to Christ, our creator, if we continue to hold on to doubt that He's not really going to be enough for us, in those times when it feels like everybody’s got somebody but me?

It's a game-changer, this big God of ours. Let's believe in Him.

And maybe as I'm sitting here typing this on my bed, still dressed in my pj's with my teeth still unbrushed, I can believe it, too.


Written a few days ago.

Monday ~ Once Upon a Time I Met a Girl Named Emily

This is the story of how I met Emily. I've known Emily for quite a few months now, as we've been blog-buddies back and forth, with three big things in common - photography, Civil War reenacting and of course, the fact that we're both dedicated auntie's. But despite the lovely friendship we've established through our blogs, I never imagined I'd get to meet her. Cool stuff like that doesn't get to happen to me, right?

So, you can imagine my shock when I, just by pure accident, I discovered that she was visiting relatives within driving distance from me. I about went through the roof. And so long story short, yesterday after church found me putting gas in my car, turning up the country tunes loud and hitting the highways, armed with camera, to go and actually meet Emily.

And of course, when I really need my photos to be amazing, they turned out awful. I guess I was too excited and having too much fun with Emily (and her delightful friend Michaela) to focus adequately on my camera buttons. Oh well. But as my motto says, even a less-than-perfect photo is worth much when it captures a memory.

I tell you what, friends. Emily is a doll and she's just as cute as she looks on her bog, which you should definitely go check out here. Emily, Michaela (who was equally charming and delightfully fun to hang out with!) spent about two hours together, walking all over town taking photos here and there, talking, laughing and continuing to find out just how much we have in common. It wasn't until later that I did the math and realized that there's a ten year age difference between us! But honestly, I couldn't care even less. Age doesn't make a difference to me. :)

Oh, did I mention that we walked all over town? That was the most illusive Starbucks I've ever seen. And the three of us have never been so thankful for air-conditioning and a chair to sit in! And yes, they spelled my name wrong.

All too soon, it was time for Emily's uncle to come pick her up again and so it was time for goodbyes. But even though I don't know if I'll ever see Emily again, I now know the girl behind the blog and am that much more thankful for her friendship. :)

Sadly, the photo above is the only one I have of the three of us, in which we look like we got in the way of a photo of the theater and I'm sporting my too-big-I'm-laughing-with-my-teeth-closed smile that I un-affectionately call the "beaming bessy." Oh well. Refer to motto above.

And then, because I was still feeling low on liquids after all that walking in the hot sun, I grabbed a Jamba Juice on my way out of town to gird up my strength as I hit the roads again towards home.

Emily, I'm SO glad I got to meet you! Thanks for making it happen in your busy schedule!

P.S. And I still haven't forgotten about Part 2 of my Civil War Reenactment photos! They'll be coming soon!