I miss a lot of things right now. I miss my best friend Anna in Ohio. I miss my daily dose of cats. I miss well water that tastes so good. I miss that glowy anticipation of the future that I had when I was a young, idealistic teenager. I miss the days before I had a full-time job when I could read, sew and languish in relaxation all day long. I miss living at home with my family. I miss that certain smell that Home gets on summer evenings as the water-cooler's constant blowing cools down the hot air circulating the house. I miss that overwhelming, all-encompassing feeling of safe that only Home has.
But most of all, I miss Jesus.
I miss Jesus because, you want the truth? I'll give it to you. I miss Jesus because I've been forgetting about Him. I've been leaving Him behind when I leave church on Sunday morning and leaving His Word closed up inside my Bible. Not on purpose, but it just sorta happened over time without me really realizing it.
And it's left me just missing things. Because when Jesus isn't a part of everyday, nothing else feels quite right. You know what I'm talking about? I've still functioned and managed my life like I always have, but that fullness of joy that Psalms 16:11 talks about has just been missing.
I'm working on this, friends. Because I just need Jesus. All of Him, every day, all the time. And one of the biggest ways that I've let Him go was I've not been in His Word. I underestimate the importance of it, although you'd think I'd really know that by now.
I'm a proud thing. I like doing things myself and I don't like asking for help, especially when it comes to my spiritual walk. I want to be strong enough on my own. But hey earth to Kellie, I'm not. One of the things I've always looked down my nose at was...Bible reading plans. I wanted to be strong enough to find my own path through the Word and I thought that I could follow the Spirit enough to just let Him lead me "wherever the winds may take us." And even though, yes, He can and yes, I could through Him...I haven't.
Last night, I googled "Bible reading plans." I picked one. And I've started it. And I'm learning that what I pridefully thought was a just crutch for half-hearted Christians...can actually be the directional guidance needed for wayward, weak sisters like me.
I want to know Jesus, friends. Not just as a name or a Deity I pray to, but as my best friend, my confidant, my stability and my fullness of joy.