Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Tuesday ~ I Forgot About Jesus
































I miss a lot of things right now. I miss my best friend Anna in Ohio. I miss my daily dose of cats. I miss well water that tastes so good. I miss that glowy anticipation of the future that I had when I was a young, idealistic teenager. I miss the days before I had a full-time job when I could read, sew and languish in relaxation all day long. I miss living at home with my family. I miss that certain smell that Home gets on summer evenings as the water-cooler's constant blowing cools down the hot air circulating the house. I miss that overwhelming, all-encompassing feeling of safe that only Home has.

But most of all, I miss Jesus.

I miss Jesus because, you want the truth? I'll give it to you. I miss Jesus because I've been forgetting about Him. I've been leaving Him behind when I leave church on Sunday morning and leaving His Word closed up inside my Bible. Not on purpose, but it just sorta happened over time without me really realizing it.

And it's left me just missing things. Because when Jesus isn't a part of everyday, nothing else feels quite right. You know what I'm talking about? I've still functioned and managed my life like I always have, but that fullness of joy that Psalms 16:11 talks about has just been missing.

I'm working on this, friends. Because I just need Jesus. All of Him, every day, all the time. And one of the biggest ways that I've let Him go was I've not been in His Word. I underestimate the importance of it, although you'd think I'd really know that by now. 

I'm a proud thing. I like doing things myself and I don't like asking for help, especially when it comes to my spiritual walk. I want to be strong enough on my own. But hey earth to Kellie, I'm not. One of the things I've always looked down my nose at was...Bible reading plans. I wanted to be strong enough to find my own path through the Word and I thought that I could follow the Spirit enough to just let Him lead me "wherever the winds may take us." And even though, yes, He can and yes, I could through Him...I haven't.

Last night, I googled "Bible reading plans." I picked one. And I've started it. And I'm learning that what I pridefully thought was a just crutch for half-hearted Christians...can actually be the directional guidance needed for wayward, weak sisters like me.

I want to know Jesus, friends. Not just as a name or a Deity I pray to, but as my best friend, my confidant, my stability and my fullness of joy.

34 comments:

  1. Wow girl, talk about super-encouraging post right here! I was blessed by reading these words just now. I can relate to you on literally, the ENTIRE post. A little while ago, I experienced the same exact thing. God revealed to me my prideful ways and my desire to do many things on my own, without Him. He has taught me this past month my absolute need to spend quiet time with Him, whether I like it or not. I desperately need Him, every second of the day, too. "Because when Jesus isn't a part of everyday, nothing else feels quite right." Amen, sista! You can just feel when Jesus isn't present in your life, and its crazy how easy it can be to forget Him without even knowing how it happened. Praying for you Kellie! have a great day :)

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    1. Amen! It's really easy to get really down with myself, because I've been a Christian, an active Christian since I was 17 and there have been large portions of the past 9 years where spending time with the Lord really WAS my #1 priority. But somehow...that's faded and now I feel like it's a chore. When I know from past closeness with the Lord through quiet times, that it's anything but a chore when you're fully in submission to the Lord. It's easy to beat myself up over my current position in comparison to my past position...but what I've had to remind myself to pray is that the Lord would be a FRESH fire in my life and that I would have a fresh anointing and a NEW faith...not ones that's wrapped up in wanting to be like who I "used" to be. Anyways, somewhat of a ramble...but thanks for your prayers, Jess! You're so kind.

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  2. Oh, Kellie, thanks for reminding us of this. Heavens, I am the WORST offender of this and I am not sure that says anything good about me. My family and I often spend time in conversation but beyond that... I am not doing more to embrace this relationship. Even spending time in prayer is sporadic most times. Sadly, what happens is I'll just be following a "routine" and something comes along that disrupts that and so it slowly slips away.

    Someday, someway, we'll figure it out and learn together.

    On a lighter note: GIRL! Oh, my your new look! How lovely and cute it is. So very spring-like and... charming! Nicely done!!!

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    1. Thanks for your return transparency, Rissi! I think, if many of us were more honest, we'd all admit to struggling with this! Even King David talks about "when I kept silent, my bones wasted away," - I see that as him saying that when he didn't communicate personally with the Lord...well, life just got a lot harder! I know what you mean - I want my time with the Lord to be MORE than just "routine," I want to hunger after it and have it be the pivotal point of my day. I guess we're both working on this, friendie!

      And thanks!! I'm super pleased with it myself! It was time for a full overhaul again...and it needed something a wee bit more mature/creditable looking. :)

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  3. Thanks for sharing! One thing I have always loved about you is that you're so honest...which makes it a lot easier for people to relate to then sugar-coating it!

    OH...*Adoring the new blog look* :)

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    1. Thanks, Madison! I really believe in being transparent, even though sometimes it's REALLY hard. Like you said, people can relate and get encouragement from people honesty more than through beating around the bush or making it look better than it is.

      And thanks! I'm enjoying it, too. :)

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  4. What kind of camera do you have, dear one?

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    1. I am using a Canon 40D, which is an older model of the currently-sold 60D. The 60D is just a newer, more updated version of what I have. But the 40D is still oh-so-rockin' it up and I love it to pieces. :) Thinking of getting a camera?

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    2. I want to be able to upgrade soon and I'm asking around! :) Thanks! Looks Canon is a win...;)

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    3. I'm sure that Nikon is also a fabulous camera brand, but yes, I'm personally partial to what Canon has to offer us photes. :)

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  5. What an amazingly timing-perfect post this is for me!! As usual, Kel, you nailed it:) I've been "fixing" to start a bible study on my own for several months now, but just haven't got around to it. Like you said, I feel as if I should be able to navigate the Word myself (but that just solidifies my need for guidance:). And God has gifted other women and spiritual leaders with the abilities to provide guidance through the bible, so I really need to take advantage. I was just thinking the other day how much I miss girls meeting:) and doing the Beth Moore studies together.

    Oh, and your best friend misses you too....like alot:) how is it that a born-n-bred ohioan and a born-n-bred californian are best kindred-spirited friends? Oh I think it's a true God thing:) love you:)

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    1. I know! Howabout you and Stephen just pack up and come move out here? We can find Stephen a job and there's a house for rent right around the corner from me. Or at least there was. :) Then we can see each other every day and do bible study/prayer times together.

      Yes, the spiritual input we had daily while traveling really is something I miss. Being back in the real world for 4 1/2 years has definitely shown me how much I miss that 24/7 communion with a body of believers! I always thought that somehow *I* would be able to stick with the hardcore, never-wavering faith that I'd "learned" while traveling...but wow, it was a lot harder than even I thought and I can't say that I've been "unwavering" at all. But that's what God is for - to be the strength in our weakness. :)

      I miss you, best-of-Anna's, and I really, really, really....wish I could come see you.

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  6. Oh girl, I totally get you and go through those same exact feelings. But it's that time, right after going through a season like that that I really feel my faith is on fire because I've either heard a song, read a blog post, or read something in His word that just reignites me faith and excitement for learning about Him. Thank you girl, for being transparent, friend! If anything, know that you're not alone! Praying for you!

    p.s. What Bible reading plan are you starting? I always love coming across and finding new ones! :)

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    1. Wow, that was really poorly written. Sorry for all the typos! Thanks for bearing with my typos, too. :) Hugs!

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    2. Kiki, I'm excited about having reading direction again. Even just knowing that I have three chapters to read TODAY helps me keep on track and also feel like I'm actually going somewhere spiritually. I have to learn to fall in love with the Word, and through it, Jesus, again. Right now, reading isn't all epiphanies and major insights, but rather, it's a choice to make the step closer to the Lord. And even in just the small way of picking a bible reading plan, it makes a difference!

      The bible plan I'm using is just a simple little bit of Old Testament and a little bit of New Testament each day. Nothing fancy or intense, but enough to give me guidance and direction for now. Instead of pulling out my bible and being like "okay...what should I read today?...." and then, because I can't decide where to read, I just sorta end up sitting there thinking. ;)

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    3. Hehe, I didn't even notice the typos, gral. :)

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  7. This was my life as of last week. I had somehow left Jesus out of the equation. I've discovered that feeling of peace again, welcoming Jesus back on the throne! Thank you for sharing! It's so hard to be honest about forgetting "Jesus". But it's a dying daily type of affair!

    I was the same way about reading plans until last year, when I stumbled upon She Reads Truth. Now, sometimes I become a bit pious and think that God will frown at me if I don't read my plan today. But, God's grace and mercy are so much realer than the attributes of a "limited" God I make up in my mind!

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    1. It's so easy to do, Lauren - leave God out of the equation. I struggle with liking the {misguided} feeling of "power" when I think I'm doing okay without God. My flesh/sinful heart wants to not have to let God be a part of my life, but when I try it (which, unfortunately, I try often) everything just falls apart. So, even as I miss Jesus when I've not been bringing myself to Him in surrender through time spent with Him and His Word, I still trick myself into thinking that it makes me strong all on my own. Wrong. Oh so wrong.

      I've been hearing a lot about She Reads Truth, I might need to check into that! Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Lauren! I am really, truly blessed that you did! Have a beautiful day!

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  8. Hang in there, girl. The Christian's life is a continual battle. I believe there will always be ups and downs. What matters is that we're always striving toward the goal of growing closer to Jesus. I struggle in this too. Thanks for your honesty and challenge!

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    1. I'm always hanging on somehow - whether it's by rope or just a fraying jungle vine! :) Thank you for your encouragement, Brea!

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  9. Well put! And easy to relate to! Thanks for sharing :)

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    1. Sure thing, TLF! Remaining faithful in being in the Word is hard, but it's something that we need so much! Thanks for coming by. :)

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  10. Thanks for your honesty, Kellie. I can completely relate to what you are saying...I've been struggling with it myself over the last several weeks. It's so easy for us to lose sight of Christ and the personal relationship when things are going well, yet, that's probably the time when we are most vulnerable and need Him the most. I'm really liking "Grace for the Good Girl." It is so good to see how my wicked flesh can masquerade as something so good and how easy it is for me to fall into my own self-created legalism trap.

    Love the new blog design! Where do you get the design for your sidebar buttons (about me, home, goodreads, bloglovin', email)?

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    1. Absolutely! I'm continually ashamed of myself at how quick I am to cry out to God when things are rough and I make time with Him a HUGE priority during those times...but when life's tickety-boo? oh, how easily I forget and let it be the last thing on my to-do list.

      Isn't that book amazing?? I've only read half of it, but even just that first half totally changed my life! Like, really.

      I actually design the buttons myself! It's SO easy. I use picmonkey.com to make them and then I've found this site (http://www.elirose.com/2011/07/how-to-add-social-media-icons/) helpful in figuring out how to make them link to different pages. It's actually VERY easy. :)

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    2. Thanks much, Kellie! One of my summer projects is to revamp my blog design and customized buttons are one of the first things I want to add.

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    3. Ooh, sounds like FUN, Kate! I LOVE blog designing, it's loads of thrills for me. Let me know if there's anything I can help you with! Google is a fantastic resource for finding out how to do things, too!

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  11. you're right--real, vulnerable posts ARE good

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    1. As hard as they can be sometimes. :)

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  12. KEEEEEEEEELLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First of all...I love this post. I think the best post are always the hardest to write. It's super exciting when you find what you are missing in life (or forgetting)...especially when it's someone so beautifully rewarding as Christ. Keep chasing after Him!!! ALSO -- your blog is looking stunning, and your pic on the sidebar is GORGEOUS!!!!!! Thanks for visiting my bloggy this morning -- I posted a few more in the post, come check them out! <3 Love ya, thanks for being such a fabulous bloggy friend. :)

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    1. Amen! I love how you expressed it "especially when it's someone so beautifully rewarding as Christ," - how aptly put, Micah!

      Ooooh!! I must go take a peak! :D

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  13. And did I mention your hair is SUPER gorgeous? Seriously...I'm jealous..........can I adopt it!? lol Hair swap.

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    1. Haha, that's so funny, Micah, because when I was looking at your picture of you and N, I was thinking about just how gorgeous YOUR hair is!! I'm willing to give a hair swap a try! :D

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  14. Thank you so much for that, Kel! I have felt so dry as of late and I have thought the same thing - that I don't need a plan to help me. But I just haven't been in the Word, in Jesus. :.( I miss Him. Thanks for the encouragement and honesty!

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    1. Suz, my incredible friend! So glad we're here together!! Can't wait until our sweet tea & swing sets date to talk more!

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Oooh, you're about to comment! How exciting! Know that you are SO MUCH MORE than just a name and a comment to me - you're a person I'd like to get to know! Make sure you check back, as I reply to each comment. I love getting to talk/correspond with each of you!