Monday, April 26, 2010

The other evening, as I was spending time alone with God in my closet, the Lord took my mind on a journey of thought. And those thoughts have staid in my head, resurfacing again and again for more contemplation and consideration.

A person going into a career spends an extreme amount of time, money, and energy into becoming what they want to be. Someone planning on becoming a doctor puts mulitple years, numerous levels of education, unbelievable amounts of money, as well as all of their mental faculties into becoming that doctor. But if this doctor is a Christian, what is he primarily? Is he that doctor? he a Christian? If you listed numerically, greatest on top, of WHAT he is, in the eyes of God (the most important Eyes), WHAT is he? I believe "Christian" should be at the top of the list. If being a doctor is secondary to "Christian," in theory, shouldn't the time and effort he puts into his walk with Christ soundly rival even the efforts of becoming a doctor? Granted, I see that a person's career should be a means of glorifying Christ, and so I am not saying that a person shouldn't put that time and effort needed into becoming the BEST at what they do ("whatsoever you do, do ALL for the glory of Christ"), but I guess in just got me thinking.

I am, first and formost, a Christian. How much of that time and effort am I putting into being the woman of godliness and integrity that Christ has called me to be? How much of my mind have I given to meditating on and memorizing God's Word? How much time do I spend dailey ("I will give neither sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I have found a place for the Lord") alone, on my face, before the Lord, seeking out the very heart of God? How much of my anxieties and worries do I hand over to the Lord, giving Him the control? How often do I pause and thank the Lord? Are my "ambushes of praise" (2 Kings 20) mighty attacks, or puny fist-fights? Where on that list, in my life, does "Christian" rank?

Lord, "as you train my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze," (Ps. 18) train my heart to seek after You FIRST, before I seek after anything else.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

It's amazing how things can change! I was just reading back over some of my blog posts, most of them written in the heat of a moment's pain. How I wrote it, is how I felt that moment. Maybe those thought didn't last longer than that moment during which I wrote it, or maybe that pain they protrayed was a constant in the days surrounding the writing. Alot of them where. But as I look back, I remember the pain of when I wrote those, sometimes written through my own agony of tears, and it makes me smile. Ironic, wierd, strange that it should make me smile now...but the truth behind the smile is, looking back on where I was, makes me so more clearly where I am NOW and where GOD has brought me! Each past post epitamized a feeling of deep loss and pain that was very real, no matter how fickle, silly, over-emotional, or unrational it may have seemed to an unbiased reader. The emotional swings, discovering hidden fears, remember past relationships that I though were long dead - each one of them served a HUGE purpose in bringing me to where I am now. It was a LONG road, a twisting road...but it WAS a road, and a road that God had placed under my feet for me to travel. And so, as I read back and see all the turmoil of emotions that have now ceased to be so constant and so "important," I rejoice that they happened (even the ones that were irrational and rediculous!) because they each played a part in God's workings in my heart, my life, my past, my present, and my future.

God IS good! And what's more - He's MY God.