I guess this blog is now going to become a "single's" blog...this is hard. So much to say, just don't know how to say it.

Everywhere I look, I find Christian people applauding and supporting media that is SO ungodly. I marvel in disbelief that the very people with whom I have conversations with about godliness, living like Christ, and striving for the beauty of holiness, can turn around and label themselves as "fans" of films that are full of sexual content, lust, explicite behavior, immodesty, and altogether a style of morals and life-styles that are the complete opposite of God's ways. I really don't get it.

I think that Christians fall the hardest. Because when they fall, not only do they bring themselves down, but with their fall, they drag down the name and kingdom of Jeusus - our pure, holy, righteous God.

Being a young woman, my desire is to glorify Christ in my life, and to get married. But as I watch young man after young man crash before my eyes, I wonder if marriage is set out in my future someday at all, because I don't see men standing up for truths of the Bible! Purity, holiness, modesty, discretion, chastity - do these matter anymore to anyone else? I mean, REALLY TRULY matter? I know many guys who talk big about it, who I know truly want to glorify our God with their lives. Yet, somehow, there's a disconnect when they sit in front of the tv or put their music on. I almost question whether "marriage" and "glorifying God" can even go together anymore, when there aren't any young men who share my belief it following Christ's standards.

It's during times like this, that I apreciate my dad so much. Especially over the past few years, my dad has established a very strict code over the media that he allows himself and my brother's to watch. Movies with immodesty (tighter clothes, necklines that reveal anything, a manner of dress that in any way draws attention to the female body, whether it's "covered" or not) aren't tolerated or watch a second time - sometimes he walks out of the room. Neither is the Lord's name allowed to be used in vain. With these standards, we don't even have to deal with sexual content, inuendo, or lust rampages. My dad watches out for his family, especially my brothers. And I have come to admire and respect that immensely. And anyone less than that, I find myself questioning their seriousness about "purity" before Christ. My dad has changed the way I look at the young men around me, because he sees, like many do not, what living for Christ really means. I many not share every conviction, but I respect fully his desire to honor God with his eyes and ears, and it's that mindset that I see lackly entirely amongst Christians. Non-Christians, who can we blame? But Christians have no excuse.

I wont settle for less. I hope you're out there.

Naturally, what I'm to "do" now with my life has been on my mind alot lately. Having left behind two relationships when all I've ever wanted to do is get married, gets one to thinking. In light of those failed relationships and the lack of potential for anytyhing linked to marriage happening now, has caused me to start evaluating my life. What DO I do now? Marriage isn't happening. Do I just "hold out" for it, when I don't see God's path taking me that direction in the future that I see right now? What are my options? Ministry? Schooling? Working?

I WANT ministry, especially with young people, maybe even troubled youth - whether through drugs,alcholol, or just poor family lives. That's where my heart has been lately. I see that to truly be an asset in that kind of ministry, being trained/getting some kind of college degree would be hugely beneficial. Not just for the sake of having a degree, but for the help it would enably me to be in a ministry like that. In light of this...should I go to school? I've never really thought I'd go to school...but right now, it seems like a very possible option.

I need the Lord's wisom so much. I know He holds my life - my desires, my singleness, my immediate future, what I DO with my life - and I need His guidance more than anything. To totally change what I've been doing so far would take alot of courage...and money. But nothing is impossible with God. I just need to pray and find out if this impossible is something He desires to make possible.