Last night I went to bed discouraged, upset, disappointed, overwhelmed, disenchanted. I'd been letting my feelings take control of my life again, and as any rational person will acknowledge, feelings only lead you into trouble. I walked right into it. My fault. But knowing where the blame lay didn't alleviate the overwhelming pain of it all. I wanted to punish myself. I wanted to punish someone else. I want to punish God. So, I staid up past midnight on a work night eating warmed up left-over Panda Express. Yah, I know. Really pushing it. Ok, so maybe it wasn't the most mature or "impressive" way of getting revenge, but it's not really about what I did, when what I did was a mere reflection of a bitter, disillusion heart. I went to bed with my stink-face still on. Not the kind of girl God would look at and go "Oh, poor thing. She's suffered enough. Eating that Panda Express at 11:45pm really showed Me her feelings," and definitely not the kind of girl who deserved a God-given attitude adjustment.
But He did it on the attitude adjustment. I woke up at 6:30 with my alarm singing Tangled's"At last I see the light, and it's like the fog has lifted! And at last I see the light and it's like the sky is new!" And all my anger, discouragement, and all-around un-beautiful resentments were gone, and I saw that God was still good. My disappointment and sense of loss still remain today, but I've got my game-face on and I'm ready to grab hands with God and face it like a woman of character should. I'm not taking the defense today. Baby, I'm on the offense.
And I'm taking it on with some pep-talk from my buddy Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte.
Little bit o' coffee, little bit o' Word...
Be scared. =)