Friday ~ Dull Aches and Pains

There’s this thing called a dull ache. It’s like a pain that, instead of just hurting like a normal pain, feels like the silence made by an empty hole in your heart. It makes you want to cry but when you go to be alone to shed those threatening tears….no tears will come.

{the quilt on my bed that I made several years ago}

Today was the dull ache kind of day. It was an exceptionally good day, but inside of my genuine smile, the silence was felt keenly. The silence screamed as I met my bestie/last-few-single-friend’s “beau” and he seemed so perfect for her. I felt the silence as I walked out of a crowded building all alone, down the street a few blocks to where my car was parked. The silence boomed out as I ate my lunch alone. The silence laughed when I went to contact my friend to hang out tonight…and remembered she’d be busy. The eerie echo bounced inside that hole of silence after a nice cozy chat with a friend at work.

{Wednesday's devotional}

I talked to God about it today. He knows about my dull ache. He knows that I don’t feel it every day, but every little while, it comes back. And He and I know that it’s okay. If I milked the silence and let the dull ache become a raging flood of self-pity, that wouldn’t be okay. But as long as I still abide in Jesus, dull aches are okay. But even still…they hurt in that bizarre painless kind of way.

{the books on my shelf - all Jane Austie's out there should ask me about Georgette Heyer if you've never heard of her before!}

I don’t have a spiritual ending for this post or a spiritual point to make. I’m just not pretending that every day as a single girl is easy. We often get the misguided idea that being “content” means being tough-girl all the time or pretending with other single girls that we never long for more. Especially since God might see it as us questioning Him and His perfect plan. But you see, content can still mean hoping. Content is accepting today, while still hoping for tomorrow.  And yes, today I’m hoping that the dull ache of silence of now will one day become the happy, enchanting orchestra of forever and ever.