Friday, January 18, 2013

Friday ~ Dull Aches and Pains

There’s this thing called a dull ache. It’s like a pain that, instead of just hurting like a normal pain, feels like the silence made by an empty hole in your heart. It makes you want to cry but when you go to be alone to shed those threatening tears….no tears will come.

{the quilt on my bed that I made several years ago}

Today was the dull ache kind of day. It was an exceptionally good day, but inside of my genuine smile, the silence was felt keenly. The silence screamed as I met my bestie/last-few-single-friend’s “beau” and he seemed so perfect for her. I felt the silence as I walked out of a crowded building all alone, down the street a few blocks to where my car was parked. The silence boomed out as I ate my lunch alone. The silence laughed when I went to contact my friend to hang out tonight…and remembered she’d be busy. The eerie echo bounced inside that hole of silence after a nice cozy chat with a friend at work.

{Wednesday's devotional}

I talked to God about it today. He knows about my dull ache. He knows that I don’t feel it every day, but every little while, it comes back. And He and I know that it’s okay. If I milked the silence and let the dull ache become a raging flood of self-pity, that wouldn’t be okay. But as long as I still abide in Jesus, dull aches are okay. But even still…they hurt in that bizarre painless kind of way.

{the books on my shelf - all Jane Austie's out there should ask me about Georgette Heyer if you've never heard of her before!}

I don’t have a spiritual ending for this post or a spiritual point to make. I’m just not pretending that every day as a single girl is easy. We often get the misguided idea that being “content” means being tough-girl all the time or pretending with other single girls that we never long for more. Especially since God might see it as us questioning Him and His perfect plan. But you see, content can still mean hoping. Content is accepting today, while still hoping for tomorrow.  And yes, today I’m hoping that the dull ache of silence of now will one day become the happy, enchanting orchestra of forever and ever.


  1. I love ya, friend. And I do feel you...I love that line, "If I milked the silence and let the dull ache become a raging flood of self-pity, that wouldn’t be okay. But as long as I still abide in Jesus, dull aches are okay."
    Amen, & amen, & SO what I needed to hear.
    <3 {I know I need to finish my reply! Finger's crossed for this weekend!}

  2. Some days are better then others, just keep looking to Jesus and you'll get through it! Believe me, I've had my fair share of dull ache days and as much as wallowing seems like a good idea at the time it never makes me feel nay better!
    I LOVE Georgette Heyer, I snagged one of her books at a book sale and am now an avid fan! =)

  3. Much appreciated is your honesty, friend! Thank you for sharing your struggles but not stopping there (as we ladies seem to love to do). I see hope in this post and that encourages me to be brave and not dwell on the difficult things. Finding fullfillment is Jesus is the only way life is gonna make sense, married or not. Believe me, if Jesus isn't the center of your life even a husband can't fix that ;) And I can see that you are striving to be content in Him. Way to go woman! Love you....

  4. 1. Jesus Calling is a fantastic devotional!
    2. I LOGE Georgette Heyer!!!
    3. I SO UNDERSTAND. Yup. When my sister (we are exactly 23 months apart, and she is my best friend) found her "significant other" I was mad, sad, depressed, lonely, and mad again....and it's so frustrating...and makes you want to go cry alone on your bed (which I admit to doing multiple times). And you are so right, dull aches ARE ok, as long as we abide in HIM, and seek Him as our comfort. *HUGS*

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  6. Megs: Love you too, crazy-beautiful lady! Thanks for your reply - I need to work on mine, now!! :) You are ALWAYS SO encouraging to me and you really do inspire me in my walk with Christ SO much! I'm blessed to know you and call you friend!

    KatySue: I'm glad I'm not the only one with "dull ache" days, but somehow I knew that there were alot of us Singles out there who have days like this! Coming out and being honest about those days is something we should do more often, to encourage and help each other along! Hugs to you, girl!

    Brea: Thank you, Brea! I'm glad that even in being honest about how I feel, you can see that I'm not desparing!! I find that I'm most encouraged through another's brutal honesty and that's what I aspire to be in my own life! I wish so much we could sit over coffee/camers and talk!!

    Little Lady: I know, isn't Georgette Heyer amazing? Such scourdrelly men. ;) Reminds me of Anne in the movie saying "I'd like a man who could be bad, but wouldn't." ;)


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