She lives! Yah, that's right, I'm still here. It's been death by job applications around here with no success, but as I keep reminding myself, it just takes one phone call and one moment to change that, so maybe tomorrow will be that day. Right? Right.
I wish I could say that I've been doing these crazy amazing things with all my free time, like running a few marathons, saving some animal, or even being this crafting maniac, but that would be a bold-faced lie. My days have looked a little more like yoga-pants-wearing-ice-cream-eating-Psych-watching-book-reading sprees. And I don't even do yoga.
Being that it's now been one week without a job and no blips on the job radar, I confess that my faith waivers. Maybe just a lot. But I am learning a few things about my faith and the brand of faith that I have. Specifically, how I'm afraid to actually let go and trust God. See, in the past, I've prayed hard and heavy for things that I thought were God's will, but those prayers went very unanswered. I came away from that feeling like God let me down. Since then, I've realized that those prayers were actually better left unanswered (praise God) and my head is so thankful. But my emotions, that part of me that for so long felt like God had let me down, still remembers. And it's those feelings that are screaming out at me right now and so, I'm afraid to actually trust God...because I don't want to be let down again.
Yah, one hundred percent bologna sandwich. But have you ever tried forcing the emo's down and out? News flash: they don't go easy. So, that's been my daily battle. If you're praying for me right now, that's how you could pray. Oh, and that I'd also get a job and not have to leave my new house with my wonderful room with the gorgeous gray walls that I still haven't even gotten to decorate yet.
No pressure, Lord.