Life sometimes takes unexpected turns. And right now, mine has, too. Because I lost my job. Four years in that tiny little office that felt like my second home, poof - gone, just like that. No, I wasn't fired or anything else nasty like that, it has to do with consultants, end of contracts, and my company losing to the highest bidder. Yah, confusing. But the end results is painfully clear in that Kellie is now unemployed and has joined the ranks of the teaming masses looking for a job.
Am I sad? Yes. Did I cry? Yes and my pillow can tell you all about it. Do I have any job leads or clues where to find work? Nope. Do I have bills to pay? Oh yes. Am I feeling a little panicky? Yes.
God has always provided for me. I've never gone hungry or homeless. I've lived off of little before. But that was also before I had a rent and utility check, gas bill, phone bill and a few other miscellaneous bills to pay each month. If I was a super-Christian, I'd be that person looking at this as this awesome chance to see God move and getting the popcorn ready to sit back and watch the show as God provides for my every need.
But that's not me today. I wish it was. I wish that my old panic attacks (old friends I thought I'd shook off) weren't trying to pay me visits this morning. I wish that I could laugh at the times to come (Prov. 31: 25). But yah, that's not me today.
But today instead of being that super-Christian who's ready for the show, I'm hanging by a few fingers to the Truth that God is my Jehova Jireh, my Provider. I love the Jehova names of God, they've always held an extra special importance to me and in my life, I have seen God be my Jehova Jireh over and over and over again. Why is it so easy for me to look back on those times He's totally pulled through for me (which was always) and to still look with worry on what's happening right now? I don't know.
So, my faith is weak today as I'm trying to figure out what to do and how I'm going to find another job. That's just the honest truth about me today. But those few fingers clinging to Truth are reminding me that the honest truth about God is that He will never let me down, He will always provide in some way (although sometimes not the way I imagine) and that me being suddenly unemployed is NOT a surprise to Him.
I can find my safe place in that today.