Friday, September 6, 2013
Friday | Forcasted: More Change
When I first suspected that this year was going to be a year of change, I really had not anticipated the roller coaster that I've been on in the last six months. Moving out. Losing my job. Being unemployed for almost two months. Getting a job at Target. And now...moving back home again.
Yup, I'm homeward bound tomorrow afternoon. As much as I find myself enjoying my active and fast-paced job as one of the food and produce managers at Target, the paycheck it generates doesn't go far enough to safely cover the expenses that come with living out on my own. I've crunched numbers 'til they swam in front of my eyes, schemed and plotted, tried to find a second job and in the end, just sat and prayed and prayed and prayed...and in the end, how it pans out is that I'm losing my happy little home with my happy gray walls and going home again.
I have mixed emotions about it, really. In some ways, I'm excited to be going home, especially as the holidays are rapidly approaching and I love the Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons at Home. But of course, in very many other ways I'm broken up about losing everything that I've established and been able to do while living independently alone.
I find myself tempted to think that God didn't come through for me. After all, He could have provided a different job, even a second job. He could have pulled heavenly strings and fixed some of my financial issues in a blow-up-the-sky kind of God-way. I mean...I've prayed and prayed and prayed for Him to make a way for me and to provide for me. I knew it was Him leading me to live out on my own five months ago, so why no such guidance now?
What has hit me in a profound way that has squelched all my doubts and suspicions is the realization that just because I don't get to live at my happy little house anymore, that that doesn't mean God didn't provide for me. I have a place to go to when finances get tight, unlike many other people. I have a loving family who are more than happy to have me home again. I have a sister who's giving me back my bottom bunk bed. I have a dad who's willing to let his twenty-six year old single daughter live at home under his roof rent-free. I have a job to begin with.
I am so provided for.