I stated yesterday in the grand moving out reveal to "prepare for new adventures." What I forgot is that sometimes, adventures come in the form of lessons. And sometimes lessons are learned the hard way.
Last night, I had my first lesson in this moving out adventure.
This Friday night is our Annual Spring Dance. Remember the Autumn Dance from back in November? Well, in the same way that South America is "like America, but south," this Spring dance is like our Autumn dance...only in spring. In essence, that's code for a lot of work. And guess who's one of the principal players in the Getting Everything Ready department? Yup, me. And once again, guess who's been so self-absorbed in moving out that she's forgotten about anything else? Yes, me.
Yes, I'm moving out. But truth is...I don't have to move out this weekend (ie. day after the dance). I don't have to paint my room tonight. In my flurry over getting stuff for my room, agonizing over paint swatches and talking nonstop about moving...I've forgotten my commitment was to doing this dance. Which I'm so excited about, really, and can't wait for Friday to get here! But I've dropped the ball, which forced my family to pick up my slack. I've not been there for big planning moments, I've not helped with getting the lights figured out, I've pawned off MY BIG PROJECT onto my brother (who was helping me with it just because he's so amazing that way), I've forgotten to go pick up stuff I was supposed to pick up and all in all...shrugged it off on everyone else.
But the dance isn't my only commitment, neither is it my first. Because I also have a family I'm committed to, whom I love to the point of idol-worship (perhaps a post for a later day), and who themselves have to deal with the fact that with me moving out, life is changing drastically for everyone. Maybe hating change is a family trait, maybe it's because we're glued together tighter than most, maybe it's because we've just been together as family for so long...but me moving out really rocks the boat for all of us. And it's hard for all of us. We just love that deeply here.
But I've been running around like a headless chicken (which, for the record, don't actually run - they bounce), focusing on my time schedule...which has been so full of me being gone doing moving stuff, that I've not given anyone, let alone myself, the chance to just sit and be family living together one last time. I've made myself Number One, maneuvered everyone else around me to benefit me, and not taken the time to just be with my family.
Because I was so caught up in my plans, my time schedule, and my future.
Throw in that, plus getting this dance pulled together, and we have...
Hi, I'm Kellie and I'm selfish, self-serving, manipulative, and self-absorbed.
I don't want to move out this way. I don't want this crazy busy, self-absorbed person to be the girl who moves out. I want to love on my family, relish those casual talks around the kitchen, soak in the times spent curled up watching Andy Griffith after dinner, and just being.
Anyways, of course I'm still moving out and moving out very soon. But I'm putting the brakes on a little, at least until after the dance on Friday.
So, I've learned my first lesson on this adventure of Moving Out before I even moved out. I'm really glad that God so gently pressed this on my heart last night (while in the shower, no less), and that I can shift my focus from me back onto, first and foremost, the One whom I serve on a daily basis and Who also commands me to "think of others better than myself."
Let's try this again.