Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Tuesday ~ My Fairy-Tale Utopia of Busyville

My life's been busy lately.

Working full time. Planning a hang-out night. Cleaning house. Grocery shopping. Running errands. Going Home to see the family. Taking my car into the shop. Trying to figure out how to get to and from work without my car. Deadlines. 

Busy. Not so busy that I'm pulling my hair out and going insane...but just that hip-hoppin' busy that keeps me always on the move and my mind busy with life management.


Just busy enough that...

....God has been put on the back burner. My bible sits untouched at the bottom of my purse. My prayer life consists of one line or two before I'm distracted by something that needs to get done. I hear the name of the Lord more often as a curse word at work or in a movie, than coming across my lips in worship or praise.

And the bad part of it is...part of me feels "stronger" because I can do this thing without God's help. I can manage my busy life and have a good time...without Him. I don't need that time spent with Him because really? I've got things under control.


But I needed the Lord the moment I felt that truck slam into my car. I needed Him as I stood on the side of the road with traffic going by talking to a total stranger about car insurance, etc. I needed Him when I wasn't sure what to do next. I needed Him when I found myself unusually unsettled behind the wheel again, after having been a part of an accident for the first time. I needed Him while I talked to the insurance companies trying to get things to work out in my favor.

But it all got worked out, so...

Oh, that's right - I can do this thing myself.


True story:

I like feeling like I can do it without God. It makes me feel strong. Able. Independent. Self-made. Owing no one. 

But the TRUE story is that that feeling of strength...is just a lie. It's a feeling that's not based on Truth. It's not real. The moment I start feeling strong without Christ...I lose touch with reality and my life becomes just a fairy-tale place in a self-made utopia.


I've been duped. By me.

I've been tricking myself into thinking I can do it alone. And I fall for the trick so easily because...I really just want it to be true. 

Yah. I know. Sound the alarm and call in the child-catcher! Bad Christian girl on the loose!


I've known Christ long enough to know that I really can't do it on my own without Him. But I've also known myself long enough to know that it's "fun" to try and it's easy to trick myself into thinking I can really do it. 

So, this is me just being transparent with my faith-journey today. My sad, puny little faith. But still yet...a faith. A little faith that's authored by a Big God. Who is gently reminding me lately that He's not going anywhere, even when I think I've got it under control. 

Lord, give me a heart that truly wants to rely on You in every way.

22 comments:

  1. Agreed girl. We cannnn do it alone... but life will not be as great or as fulfilling as with Him.

    *sidenote--is that book out now?! I have been waitinggggg for it. I am a little obsessed with the first one and can't wait for the second.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Angela! Yes, it is out!! As of like last week or something. Go get it!! :D

      Delete
  2. It seems we are forever wanting to live a life in which we only turn to God when it's "convenient" for us. Our days pass by when usually we don't think His presence is needed because life is full and "good," so unfortunately, yes, it is easy to "forget" to nurture that relationship. You are not alone in this, Kellie.

    Hooray for The Elite! Looking forward to "passing notes" about it. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Rissi! Community is the best. :)

      And I'm super excited about reading The Elite! I saw it on the shelf and grabbed it without even considering if it was even in my budget, haha. Which...books are always in the budget, right? ;) I have two review books that I want to finish up first and get those out of the way (looking forward to them!) and then I can give my full attention to finding out the next chapters of America's story! And yes, passing notes is a MUST. :D

      Delete
  3. I love your transparency. ::hugs:: And for the record--SOOO right there with ya!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Meghan! You always encourage me. I know I'm not the only one who feels like they pretty much fail at doing Christianity right...but sometimes I forget. :)

      Hugs, friendie! :)

      Delete
  4. Kellie- so happy to have found your blog! I love your heart for the Lord. I am excited to follow! I am new to the blogging scene, you should follow me at http://foreverconvinced.blogspot.com/

    :)
    xoxo
    Jess

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jessica, I'm so glad that you did! And welcome a thousand times to the blogging world! It's a great place. :)

      Delete
  5. *sigh* Once again you seem to echo my thoughts exactly! It seems like I only remember to pray when I need something! I hate it when people do that to me, only contact me when there is something I can do for them, yet here I am doing it in the one relationship that I should never neglect! =P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said, Katysue! I'm the same way - I hate being a "foul-weather friend" - only needed when there's a crisis. But just like you said, that's what I usually do with God. And He deserves SO much more than that!!

      Delete
  6. Praying for you, friend! I definitely know those feelings of wanting to do things on my own for independence but knowing just how much I NEED Him and how things work out better WITH Him. So glad you know this deep down and that you're comfortable sharing this with us! Hugs! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kiki! I appreciate you so much!

      Delete
  7. Wow I really needed this insight...thanks!

    At first when I saw that little note, I thought it said it was from Ryan. I was like, "WHO IS THIS RYAN?!?" but then I figured out it said Ryn and it was indeed your sister Kathryn...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Madison, you aren't the first person to think that "Ryn" is "Ryan!" And if there was a fellah in my life, I'm sure there would be more hints of it around here. I can not keep that kind of secret to myself. ;)

      Delete
    2. I wouldn't be able to either...:) Those are such exciting happenings!...not that I would know that

      Delete
    3. And that's okay. Relationships are wonderful, but they are very hard. But...mostly wonderful. ;) Thanks for being such a wonderful blog friend! :)

      Delete
    4. Oh I'm not complaining...my time will come...in about 5 years :)

      No, thank YOU, Kellie, for being the best of all!

      Delete
  8. Thank you for sharing this, Kellie! I tend to be a do-it-yourself-er... even when it comes to God and the things that HE should be handling. I need constant reminders that being independent and self-reliant isn't always a good thing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right there with you, Taylor! The kicker is that sometimes it feel so good to feel like I can do it myself...when in reality, I'm falling apart and don't even know it!

      Delete
  9. I can so relate to this, Kellie! Thank you for being honest with all of us about your walk. You challenge me, in a very good way :)

    ReplyDelete

Oooh, you're about to comment! How exciting! Know that you are SO MUCH MORE than just a name and a comment to me - you're a person I'd like to get to know! Make sure you check back, as I reply to each comment. I love getting to talk/correspond with each of you!