Friday, June 7, 2013

Friday ~ One Life-time Admittance to the Singles' Row



Continuing in the same vein from Tuesday's post...

Friends, I'm twenty-six years old. To some of you that may seem old, to some of you it may seen quite young if you're further along in this waiting process. But twenty-six to me is sounding just a bit, ahem...old today.

Keeping in mind the ability for God to truly satisfy our hearts (refer to Tuesday's post), sometimes we do need to face a possible outcome – the possibility that we may never get married. I've always thought I was marriagable-material, but after two years shy of a decade waiting for Prince Charming to come, I've been forced to take a good look at reality and acknowledge that I really may be one of those women who never gets married.
  
As I lay in bed the other morning, thinking about that guy I thought was noticing me not noticing me after all and processing the feelings of being very un-wantable, I really soul-searched and in that search, I forced myself to ask myself a question:

 If I could know right now that I would never get married, would I still follow Christ today?

Ouch.

Do I continue to faithfully follow Christ these days...just because I know that He's the One who ultimately gives me the things I want in my life? Is my motivation for persistently doing the God-thing the hope that He'll give me a husband? Do I seek after God because He's my only real chance at a godly guy? If I found out today that I would never, ever marry...would I still continue to live strong in the Lord?

I look at that question and my first response (after feeling panicky and sick to my stomach) is "that's really just not an option for me. I really have to get married." Well, I've been ready and waiting a good handful of years now and no amount if wishing has made it happen. What if it never does? What if no one ever wants me? Would I still be as ready to follow Christ?

Truth is, a lot of the time my answer is no - if I knew that I'd never have a husband or boyfriend, I'd sorta just give up on God, since it's not going to get me a husband. And that's sad, because in that, I am so wrong. Following Christ isn't about me and what I'm going to get out of it, it's about giving Jesus Christ the glory He deserves. What I get out of it really shouldn't even factor into my relationship with Christ.

So, are you like me? Still plugging away at doing Christianity right, because He's the only one who'll write our love stories? Are you trying to please God with your spirituality in hopes that it will earn you His notice and get you a husband? And are you right now, like me, having to ask yourself the question above?
  
We have to ask it and we have to know our answer, because if our answer is that no, we only do Jesus because of what He can give us, we might as well just throw in the towel altogether. That's not what God wants from us and it's the wrong way to serve Him.
  
I pray that your answer is that yes, that even if you somehow knew that you were a permanent fixture forever in the single's row at church, that even then, you'll still give everything you've got to loving God and serving Him in everything that you do. That is my prayer for myself. I know that I have a lot of adjusting to do in the way I view my faith and WHY I do my faith...but I know, that in everything...He is going to be worth it.

~          ~          ~

P.S. This concept doesn't just apply to single girls. Whether you're trying to have children, struggling financially, have a serious illness, or just waiting for your big break in life...it's the same question.

P.S. #2 - I was overwhelmed with the incredible response from all of you regarding Tuesday's post, so many of you left such heart-felt, transparent replies and each one impacted me personally. I just want you to know how thankful I am for each one of you! I have felt such encouragement and kinship with you through your responses and the confirmed knowledge that I'm NOT the only one who feels this way...wow, so motivational! Really, I mean that. So, thank you! Also please know that I REPLIED to each and every response, so if you left a comment, please check back! Your comments aren't just trophies towards a good post, they're conversations/heart-talks to me!

23 comments:

  1. This is lovely, Kellie. Thank you for asking that question--it's certainly one that needs to be asked, and one that I need to think about in my own walk. I have been feeling "old" lately, in the am-I-still-marriageable sense, which is silly, since I'm hardly a spinster, but the more friends I see dating and getting married, the more I wonder if my Prince Charming will ever come along, and I start thinking more about my future role as a crazy cat lady. :P
    I can probably say right now that my reasons for following Christ ARE selfish reasons...not just because of the whole marriage thing, but also other reasons as well. And you're absolutely right. My purpose in following Christ should be to His glory, and not my own.
    So...thanks for asking that question. I'll definitely have to work at applying the right answer (yes!) in my daily life.(:

    ~Vicki
    Decked Out in Ruffles

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    1. As one potential crazy cat lady to another...thank you for this response! It's NOT an easy post, mostly just because such a question is NOT one I even want to face. The possibility of never having anybody!? *shudder* And hopefully neither one of us will end up forever unmarried, but the concept of the question is still valid. And VERY hard to admit. And perhaps even harder to change.

      And even though my heart is still telling me that having a guy fills me up more than Christ can, I know in my head (and my soul!) that Christ will satisfy, even if I never get married.

      Thanks for such a heartfelt response, Vicki! Finding other young women like you and me is always so encouraging and is such a blessing, as we can encourage each other closer to the Lord and farther from self-victimizing thoughts!

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  2. Loved this post! I was so encouraged by it! It's so encouraging to see someone as passionate about encouraging women as i am! I have a blog/ministry, that i started with my best friend and we would love to have you guest post, if your interested-email us-at tqprest@gmail.com

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Britney, I am so blessed to hear that this post was able to encourage you! Perhaps I'll be dropping you an email before too long, maybe when life slows down just a bit. :) Once again, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a response!

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  3. As always-your posts cause me to stop, and examine my heart. To really ask myself hard questions. To know that God is a God who desires to fufil our deepest hearts desires but sometimes, that is in ways our own minds cannot fully comprehend. I want to encourage you though, like you've encouraged me. I am 25 1/2. I am almost 26, and I have questioned the Lord's plan for my life, especially my love life. I have asked Him why I couldn't make a relationship last, what was wrong with me. He gently replied one day by asking me to give up my need for control and TRUST in his plan-his good and perfect plan. He brought me that man I prayed for, but it was in HIS timing! He was faithful in the waiting, teaching me to trust Him and showing me how to shine the light of Jesus through me even in a season of doubt. God hears your prayers...I have faith that God is behind the scenes preparing both you and your future husbands hearts for His divine intervention.

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    1. Thank you for those encouraging words, Brittany!! They are so greatly appreciated! My desire is to live TODAY like it's the rest of my life, instead of like I'm holding my breath waiting for something to happen. Because with God, things are ALWAYS happening, it just not be in the way that *I* think He should move!

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  4. Thank you, thank you, thank you for having such a bold voice in this post and asking such a hard question. It's something that bothers me when someone is seriously ill, can't have children or still waiting to be married, the way many people respond is 'Just wait it out, God WILL fix it!' Although I believe that God does grant our requests and bless us tremendously, it's only when those requests line up with His will for our lives that He does do that. He knows what's best, we don't.
    I know I'm in the marrieds group now but that doesn't mean I'm free from burdens, worries and struggles. What if God takes my husband away? What if we never have children? Will I still remain faithful and true to Jesus? I know I fail in this but I pray that God gives me the grace to love Him and Him alone and not just because He gives me what I want.
    And through what ever happens, praise God we can claim the truth and comfort that He is ALWAYS good!
    Once again, you've blessed, challenged and encouraged me with your words. Keep up the good work, lovely lady!
    I'm praying for you in all this.

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    1. Thanks, Brea, you're opening sentence REALLY encouraged me!! This definitely wasn't a "feels good" post and it's something that I don't even like to have to ponder - the thoughts that God may never "come though" on something I really want. But whether or not He "comes through," He IS always faithful and He's always a God who blesses His people. I have to learn to see His blessings for what they ARE, when they're not what I want them to be. :)

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  5. Oh, goodness, so many things I want to say! :) First off - your transparency is encouraging, as always. Secondly, um, this was convicting. No matter where we're at in life there's always the temptation to assume "following the Lord" means that He should/will therefore give us our heart's desires. Ick.
    It made me think of something that Elisabeth Elliot said: "It is in our acceptance of what is given [or not given!] that He gives Himself." But...accepting His will, whatever that could be, can seem so scary to our likes-to-be-in-control flesh, can't it?! "What if things don't turn out the way I want them to?" Even though I know in my head that God knows and does what's best for me, it's still easy to start acting like He needs my helpful suggestions on how it all should go.
    But He still loves us! Even when we don't trust Him the way we should, He's still 100% faithful and good to us! At the end of the day, that's what it comes down to. Who HE is. And like you said, He's worth it.

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    1. Oh, such GREAT thoughts, Rachel! And I love that Elisabeth Elliot quote, I'd never heard it before, but wow...so powerful! And I truly do what "Himself," as my soul wants it more than anything else (although my fleshly heart sometimes does battle on that one!).

      Thank you for your comments, you have a beautiful heart, Rachel!

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  6. How do you keep writing so many goooooooood (that means really good) posts on singleness? Seriously, the words that you type and publish are some of the exact words that I've thought and I couldn't have said any of it better. And I know I keep saying this, but I'm REALLY loving these posts. Your honesty is a breath of fresh air and I love that you're bold enough to share your thoughts and ask some of those questions that we're all asking inside. :)

    I've thought the same thing when it comes to being single. I've wondered if I'll always be single and I've also wondered if I'm loving Jesus and others with an ulterior motive. But, I've also come to realize (and am still trying to accept the fact that) my plans for myself won't necessarily match up to His plans for me. It saddens me to think that that might include marriage and having a family of my own. It honestly does. And it's a little scary, too. I hope to someday be able to experience that, but what you said is right, I have to keep on serving Him for all that He's DONE for me, not all that I want Him to DO for me now or in the future.

    Thank you girl. You're seriously THE best. Why can't you live closer to me? :)

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    1. Oh wow, good stuff, Kiki! I'm definitely loving this response, because it's giving me serious food for thought, especially this: "I've also come to realize (and am still trying to accept the fact that) my plans for myself won't necessarily match up to His plans for me." Good stuff and so important. You're so right on - accepting that my dreams may never come true is so important, but replacing them with the desire for GOD's dream for me is such compensation! I've heard it said before that God is a God of compensation - when He takes something (or doesn't give it!) He always compensates with something else.

      Which is a seriously awesome (and exciting!) thought!!

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  7. I know this probably has nothing to do with your post, but I read this in my book last night and I immediately thought of you and your blog! I thought I would share it :)

    'I started to think about what it is about you that makes me appreciate you so much...You know what you do? You love people. Gently, calmly, with specific, kind attention, you make people feel welcome. You put people at ease that way. It's a gift. I think God has given you the gift of hospitality...But who needs a house? I'm talking about your heart. You have plenty of guest rooms there. And that's what you do. You open your heart to people. You keep lovely little rooms in there, just waiting for your friends to come visit. People feel as if they can come right in, just as they are. You don't entertain, you love. That's what lasts. That's why people like me feel as if I will always be your friend. You hold a special place for me in your heart!'

    -Sierra Jensen
    and I say the exact same thing! :)

    I hope you have a splendid weekend the Kelliest-of-Kellies!

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    1. Ah, wow, thanks, Madison. This truly blesses and encourages me!! :)

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  8. Honestly? If God came down and told me for sure I would never get married I might go A-wall for awhile, but I couldn't stay away forever, and it actually might be a relief because it's the not knowing that's killing me right now!
    Gosh, you do not look 26! I had to smile when I saw how old you where, I love finding people the same age as me!
    Also, it kind of makes me feel better that someone as fantastic as you is having a hard time finding a man.....it's not just that I'm weird and what not, it's just hard to find a decent Godly man sometimes! =)

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    1. Ah yes, the conundrum of the age - the fact that I look like I'm 16 years old, not 26. And I know, I know..."I'll appreciate it someday," right?? ;)

      HAHA, oh Katysue, that last part just made me smile and laugh outloud!! And no, you are NOT weird and it IS just rare to find a truly godly guy these days. It truly must be the end times. ;)

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  9. Thanks for this post, Kellie. I really appreciate how you shared your heart. A couple years ago, I really struggled with being single. It was all that filled my thoughts, and I had always imagined I'd be married at 20 with twin boys by 21. Yet, those ages came and went...without any guys. Last fall, as I looked ahead to when I'd get my college diploma and began to ponder the "what happens after college?" dilemma, I had to do some deep soul-searching. The Lord, in His faithfulness, brought me to a point where I was willing to say no to marriage if the Lord was calling me to a single life of service to Him. It was a difficult time and I had thoughts very similar to yours, but I have had more peace since that decision than I had for several years. I'm single right now and there are no prospects, and I don't know if God's called me to be single for ten years or the rest of my life, but I don't want to be any place other than His will. Sometimes I struggle with wanting to be married -- the desires don't leave, especially when your friends are getting married -- but I can give those desires back to Him and He surrounds me with His loving care and comfort. In retrospect, I look back on years 20 and 21 and realize how much mental and emotional energy I wasted on guys, marriage, and dreams instead of seeking the Lord and His will. I also realize how "not" ready I was to be married. I'm so thankful He knows me through and through, and where He has placed me is where I am supposed to serve and glorify Him. A life poured out for Him is no mistake!

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    1. Great words, Kate! And amen! And so true - we spend so much emotional energy "wishing" on our dreams, instead of seeking after the Lord. It's not easy to let go of our desires and sometimes it's nearly impossible (sometimes it IS impossible) to truly let them go, but it's in the daily struggle that we find the Lord. How great that you've reached a place like that! :)

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  10. Mmmm...yes, this is a beautiful thought provoking post! (and your pic is GORGEOUS...seriously...how do you always looks so pretty???). I'm kinda struggling with this myself. When "N" is around my walk with God seems effortless, so easy and so beautifully desirable. I just want to be with God all the time. Without my Knightly? I am failing miserably. I still love going to church and fellowship and all that...but it's been two and a half weeks and I've STILL yet to finish the book I was reading when he left (ironically....called "Forgotton God"....:P) and I have not spent HALF as much time with His Word as I should. I feel frustrated, alone, and kinda annoyed. I just want N to come home already...why is this so difficult?!?! I feel like God is giving me a HUGE reminder...that...I need to serve him NO MATTER WHAT. With or without N, I need to be all about God first. Thanks for your lovely post to drive that point home girl! <3 LL

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    1. Wow, yes!! I KNOW what you mean by it's so much easier to WANT to seek God while we have what we WANT around. But just like you said, that can't be the way we do it! So wise and spiritually mature that you've seen that and are taking action against it! You inspire me, Micah! Seriously.

      And I haven't finished Forgotten God myself (but Crazy Love was incredible!!), but anything by Francis Chan I KNOW to be good!!

      Hope this week without that man goes quickly for you! :)

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  11. What a beautiful and honest and vulnerable filled post lady! It is hard to express how much this post meant to me! Seriously this is amazingly encouraging!! Thank you so much for sharing!!
    Rebecca :)
    www.caravansonnet.com

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    1. And thank YOU for commenting and just encouraging me with this! :)

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  12. New follower here! I just found your blog, and I've loved reading some of your posts (I could keep sitting here scanning through them, but I should probably stop, and get something accomplished!)! I'm not single myself, but I think you've asked a really important question that many Christians may need to ask themselves at one time or another, like you said, whether it's relating to singleness, children, etc. It's really easy to fall into the trap of looking at God as a genie in a bottle. But if we do that we'll often be disappointed!

    And trust me, yes, you will be thankful someday that you look younger than you are, or else you'll get to the point where you don't look so young anymore, and then you'll wish back the days where people couldn't believe how old you were. :)

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Oooh, you're about to comment! How exciting! Know that you are SO MUCH MORE than just a name and a comment to me - you're a person I'd like to get to know! Make sure you check back, as I reply to each comment. I love getting to talk/correspond with each of you!