Monday, June 24, 2013

Monday | Clarifying My Singleness Gig + Why I Blog



Hello, my friends!

I ask myself often the question "why do I blog." As I'm sure most bloggers do. You see, I'm several things. I'm a self-supportive woman. I'm sort of a photographer, although I don't like to call myself one. I like to make people smile. I'm something of a writer, you can agree or disagree. I'm a 26 year old single woman. And I'm open and transparent about the things that go through the head of a single woman.

But I'm also a Christian. And as a Christian, God always comes first. There should be no question about that. As you know if you've been reading around here for awhile, I off and on will blog about my life as a single woman. Specifically, the emotions, struggles and self-worth issues of a single woman.

You know my mantra: "I'm most encouraged through the honesty and transparency of others." Because you'll agree that the more honest someone is, the more powerfully their words can hit home and make a difference in our lives. And so, I really want to be that person. That person who lets you see what's really going on. And as a single woman, the issues I struggle through these days are often issues that revolve around not having a husband, feeling like a less-than, loneliness and discouragement. So I write about it on this blog.

But my greatest fear while doing that is that my honest writing will come across as whining and complaining to you. Oh, believe me, I can be that person, too. As Jane Austen so puts it, "those who do not complain are never pitied." (just a bonus quote, no extra charge.) But that's not who I want to be, that's not who I'm supposed to be, as a Christian. Yah, things get rough and things get dirty (it's called life), but the point of everything (literally, everything), is to draw us nearer to Christ. Even singleness. Shoot, even marriage is supposed to do that. But I'm a single, so singleness if my pulley towards Christ.

But it's hard sometimes. Okay, sometimes it's hard a lot of the time. And I know I'm not the only one who faces the issues that come hand-in-hand with singleness, getting older and other never-thought-I'd-be-here types of things. And so here we are, back to my mantra. I'm most encouraged through honesty and transparency of others. That's why I blog. For the sake of community, for the sake of transparency, for the sake of all the hundreds of other single woman, like me, who's Prince Charming either was never born or is waylaid by a seriously flat tire.

But I run the risk of annoying other people who aren't where I'm at, and as I said, sounding whining and complaining about my life. And that big ugly one - being that girl who always only ever thinks about marriage and refuses to be content without a guy. And friends, I don't want to be that girl. I'm not that girl. I love my life and I love being single and I love the Lord.

But I will be transparent. I will blog with honesty about the times when being single is hard and I will let you see some of the different emotions and feelings that single girls have. Because they are valid feelings.

But I have to be careful to, even in the midst of saying it like it is, to always point back to Christ. Whether it's in my life personally or whether it's when I'm writing about it on my blog for all of you to see. Because He's the answer. The only answer. And He's who I want you to see. I blog because I want you to find Christ closer and dearer and more able in your life, specifically to other single girls. And honestly? It can be a hard balance to be honest about how I feel and point back to Christ. Because there are days when God doesn't feel close, I question what God is up to and I'm just plain out-and-out discouraged. But sometimes it's those days that need to be talked about the most.

As a friend of mine commented on my last blog post (thank you, Dani!), "Countless times I had to stop and talk to God. Pray for the feelings to pass. Feel a bit more miserable, shed a few tears and then climb out of my hole to continue on until the next pothole." Pretty good definition of life, eh? But that's just it - life does have potholes. We do a bit of crying and questioning when we find ourselves crash-landing into one. But we pray, look to Jesus, crawl out and keep right on going. Because He's a keep-on-going kind of God.

So this is me, friends. This is me telling you up front that here at this blog that I call Nothing Less (read why here), you're going to read sometimes about those hard days. You'll see me putting myself out there in all my ugly for you to see. But I do it because I want you to know that it's okay to have ugly days and that you're not doing it alone. And most of all, so that you can be encouraged and reminded that in all trials, struggles and emotions...that Jesus Christ is your only answer. So go to Him.

So, whether you a new friend or an old friend here on this blog...welcome to my blog, where we say it like it is, question our sanity, it's okay to have a sad-moment, cry about it a little...and then always take it all back to Jesus, find our joy and gladness and remember that it's really all about Him anyway.

Okay? Okay.

28 comments:

  1. I love your new blog layout, Kellie! It's super cute, uncluttered, and makes reading your posts even more enjoyable! Lovely.

    And I completely understand where you're coming from. I really am blessed by your transparency and honesty in regard to how you're feeling and what's on your mind. Thanks for being so willing to share. Believe me, plenty of young women struggle with the exact same things, and it's nice not to have the "Am I the only one?" feeling. ;)

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    1. Thank you, Lauren! That's something that I see so much - there are so many single-and-getting-older young women out there who thought they'd be married by now and so struggled even more because they(we) just don't know what we're supposed to do with it. So glad it's not something unforeseen by God, He knows about all of us. :)

      And thanks for the comment on the new look! I fear I'm a chronic blog "tweaker," I'm always changing things around! I'm glad it makes for an easier and more enjoyable read! :)

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  2. You have such an amazing way with words and are always spot on with how I've feel!
    It's wonderful knowing I'm not alone in my journey and I just wanted to let you know what a blessing it has been to get to know you through your blog!

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    1. Thank you, KatySue! This encourages me a lot and helps disperse the uncertainties I've felt over how people might view the stuff I write!

      And girl, how I've enjoyed getting to know YOU! You are a source of smiles to me! :)

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  3. Yes & amen. This is SO spot on & my heart as well, gral! Love you so much, dear friend--so glad thru your blog God's gifted me with you. ::Infinite hugs::
    P.S: new blog look=LOVE.IT. Oh my gosh. And I thought I LOVED the last one you had--this is PHENOMENAL!

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    1. Me, too, Meghan! Even though I've turned out to be a terrible pen-pal (come on, you know it's true!), I'm still so thankful for your constant encouragement and friendship!

      And thanks! I know I'm constantly changing my blog around...but it's just so much fun, ya know? ;)

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    2. You're NOT a terrible pen pal! No worries, m'dear! And don't forget I still owe you an email about that snippet you sent me. ;)
      <3

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    3. And I can't wait to read it! :)

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  4. I am ALWAYS encouraged by your posts! You inspire me with your transparency. I fear sometimes I'm not very transparent at all, yet I look up to those who are. I learn through them...like you!! So thank you for your beautiful blog, Kellie. For being transparent and honest and always pointing back to God. You truly are an inspiration.

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    1. Oh wow, Laurie, this is sooo encouraging! Thank you so much! I really am so ridiculous humbled that the things I say can encourage, but then, I guess it's really all God, because without Him, I have nothing to say.

      Thanks again, Laurie! I count you a dear blogging friend!! :)

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  5. One of the things I admire and respect about you, Kellie is how you can "let go" and be so transparent. I am not like that. In the nearly two years I've been blogging, I have become more adapt at it and that's because of all of you, the readers. Where once I was nervous and uncertain about joining such a public forum - while I love the Internet for (oddly enough), all its (or rather the readers) taught me, I always had in the back of my mind that there were too many people out there who weren't considerate or thoughtful to others opinions and hence, I didn't want to spread my personal life around. (Not that anyone would find it interesting anyway since it's VERY simple.) I respond and respect honesty also which is why I always extend the same courtesy and feel thankful to have such a kind and supportive group of bloggers in "my circle." Right now, I am happy sharing personal/opinion posts once in a while because I never intended to become a "journal blogger."

    Well said - and keep up the great (honest) blogging!

    BTW: LOVE your new look. Definitely going to "steal" the idea (with the title on the side) as it looks tres chic. :)

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    1. You know, Rissi, just like you said - being transparent is a learned "skill." I used to NOT be that way, but over the years, the Lord has taught me so much about being willing to talk about my struggles and failures. Actually, sometimes my struggle now is being TOO honest, haha. ;)

      And yes, so in agreement! I've learned so much about how and when to be open and honest while blogging through other people as well. And I, too, keep wondering why people would care to read the simple stuff on my blog and continued to be SO blessed that they (you all!) do! You all have become such amazing friends to me!

      And truly, girl, I love your blog! You don't just take things at face value, you look deeper and analyze, which is a rich blessing. Plus I can keep updated on all the newest and greatest and hottest shows. ;)

      P.S. Thanks!! I know I'm continually changing my blog look. I keep finding my "new favorite!" design and think I'll love it forever...but then just a few months later, I dream up something else and I have to use it. Glad you like the sidebar header! I actually saw it done on another blog and liked that look a lot. So steal away what's already been stolen. ;)

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  6. Perfect timing! The Lord was showing me just yesterday that I've been forgetting it's all about Him. My getting-ready-to-leave-for-Africa-in-two-months has become more about what I have to do (man, is there a lot!) and less about *Him* - both the "why" and the "how" I am going.

    BTW, your line about "Prince Charming waylaid by a seriously flat tire" absolutely cracked me up. Good one!

    So thanks for the laugh and the timely reminder. I really appreciated this post and the heart of the girl who wrote it. :)

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    1. Well, not that it makes forgetting it's all about God okay...but wow! Getting ready to leave for Africa definitely comes with a LOT to think about! But you're right - He's the why and the how of everything and He needs to always stay that way in our lives!

      Hehe, glad it made it laugh. It made me chuckle when I wrote it. ;)

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  7. I, for one, would like you to know how grateful I am for all your honesty. I'm a HUGE fan of it, as you know. I want you to share your life, every bit of it. That's why I love your blog! Because it's you, and it helps me not feel like we live so far apart :) And yes, you are able to share your struggles and point to Christ at the same time. Just like David did in Psalms, right? It's one of the many, many things I admire about you.

    Oh and this blog layout? Girl, you did good! It's my absolute favorite yet! So professional and beautiful and just.....yea. Good.

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    1. Thanks, Brea! I wish we were more able to talk about the serious stuff in person, instead of reading it on our blogs. Definitely miss are talks. Remember that time I had the emotional break-down in the girls dressing room and you took me out for coffee just because? Yah, you were and are pretty much my hero. :)

      And thanks! Yah, you know me...constantly tweaking, haha. We're alike that way, ya know. ;)

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  8. I can't even thank you enough for your candidness, I almost wish I felt this way about all bloggers. I am not a single lady, but I was and I remember having the same thoughts and feelings. You should feel free to be that girl whenever you are feeling that way. The blogging community is here to related to you and support you, not put you down for whining! I appreciate your love for Christ even when you are feeling like you're struggling. Keep writing!

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    1. Thanks for your support, Cassie! The response from everyone has been so supportive and encouraging, all my fears are being put to rest.

      And yes, I will keep writing. :)

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  9. Loving the blog look girl! Happy or sad and everything in between I love it. Love your authenticity girl. Thanks for being you!

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    1. Thanks, Angela! I say the same for you! :)

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  10. I just happened to find your blog, I think through a comment on Kiki's, and I have to say I really relate to this and appreciated this post. I'm very similar to you, or at least it feels from reading this. I'm 26, I write about real issues on my blog for the same exact reason -- to be transparent, to be open, to maybe let someone like me somewhere know they aren't alone. I think sometimes I worry about the same thing: will people think that I am complaining when I am really trying to be honest? But I think that it's easy to tell the difference, especially if you're looking closely. Just because something isn't cheerful doesn't mean it's negative. So many times, people equate serious with negative and that's not the case. We can only feel those positive things truly and deeply, feel that happiness, if we're honest. So many people don't talk about how they feel -- and so I appreciate this for sure.

    I'm actually in a pretty serious relationship, but I relate to this in terms of my career. I think my focus is similar to yours on that front, trying to figure it out, trying to be positive, struggling, wondering if God is listening... but also finding miracles when I finally surrender to God's will, which is always bigger and better than my own.

    I'm glad I found your blog and I will be following along on your journey -- knowing that you are not complaining, but just being real. And I appreciate that so much!

    --Erika
    http://www.chimerikal.com

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    1. Hey, Erika! THANK YOU for this thought-filled comment, wow, that means a lot to me! And thank you for such encouraging words to keep right on doing what I'm doing. I think I will. :)

      Visited your blog, it's lovely!

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  11. 1. I love you, friend.

    2. I don't think you're EVER complaining. Just being real + honest and that's why I love your blog. But I also completely understand your feelings here. I have this draft of a post started about coming to the realization that I all too often write about my bad days as a single lady and never about the good days (not that my bad days are bad compared to what others go through, but you get what I mean). I have yet to publish it, but I do want you to know that I do understand your feelings about worrying about coming across as complaining or whining (I think I put those exact words in my post draft, too!).

    3. I also love that you continue to push yourself to point yourself and your readers towards Him. You're doing great things and we all need more bloggers who do that in our lives. We also need more bloggers--like you!--who are willing to be real, willing to be vulnerable, and willing to talk about singleness.

    4. I LOVE your blog layout--especially the sidebar header. I love it. :)

    5. So proud of you friend. So very proud of you!

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    1. Oh, Kiki...

      Thank you SOO much for all of this! Like really. I needed that a lot! You always encourage me so much, girl! And I want to read that draft post someday, k? And yeesh, it's required a lot of pushing lately to keep reminding myself that I need to take ALL to Jesus, whether it's my struggles or me helping others. It's all gotta go back to Jesus. The end.

      And really, Kiki, you're one of the biggest inspirations to me in my blogging! I don't always feel like pointing to Christ and I know in the past in my desire to "relate" with others' bad days or even just not wanting to do the God-thing myself, I've dwelt more on the "hard" part of singleness (or life in general)and left out the gotta-seek-God-hard part. You've been a huge inspiration to me in this, because I see you doing that over and over. You've helped me in my faith, girl and I'm so grateful. :)

      P.S. Thanks! It was fun dreaming it up and I knew I just had to use it, even though it wasn't that long ago that I'd changed it to begin with. Chronic tweaker right here. ;)

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    2. Oh my goodness. Sweetest words ever. So grateful for our friendship and that we can learn from and encourage one another. :)

      And I'm definitely a chronic blog tweaker, too! So glad we can be twins and have that love (or is it a habit?) in common. :)

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    3. Same here, friendie, same here. And I really think another visit to see your relatives should be in order. ;)

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  12. I love the new layout, Kellie! It's so pretty! And I love the colors.(:
    This post is so lovely. And I love the point that you made about always pointing back to Christ. That is so true, and so very encouraging.(:

    ~Vicki
    Decked Out in Ruffles

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    1. Thanks for both encouragements, Vicki!

      Pointing back to Christ is something that I'm actually actively learning right now and I want this blog to reflect that. :)

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Oooh, you're about to comment! How exciting! Know that you are SO MUCH MORE than just a name and a comment to me - you're a person I'd like to get to know! Make sure you check back, as I reply to each comment. I love getting to talk/correspond with each of you!